I feel like im losing my mind free#

Their brain is stuck in a cycle of feeling bad, seeing a drug or activity as a solution, doing it, feeling worse, and so on. It might not be okay or even tolerable, but it makes sense. So, itвЂ™s my loved one whoвЂ™s losing it! I wouldnвЂ™t be like this if it werenвЂ™t for them.вЂќДЄctually, your loved oneвЂ™s behavior makes sense too. You deserve self-compassion, the compassion of friends, and the compassion of a counselor who can help you work through things without judgment. If you fly off the handle, your actions may not be justified but they are understandable. We may also be acting out trauma from our past, which brings its fault lines into our present-day relationships.

I feel like im losing my mind free#

Feel free toВ toss it if you find it harmful.ДЄ lot of our messed-up behaviors are a reaction to the trauma of watching someone very close to us suffer and cause damage - often very seriously or over a long period of time. SMART doesnвЂ™t use labels, such as co-dependent, but you can use it if you choose and find it helpful to get a handle on your own thoughts. Are you co-dependent? Who knows? Co-dependency is not an official diagnostic term, and is used to mean anything from keeping someone in addiction for oneвЂ™s own gain (an insidious accusation that piles on unwarranted self-blame) to being greatly affected by the actions of others (a descriptor which fits all healthy humans). IвЂ™ve said and done some things IвЂ™m really not proud of in reaction to my loved oneвЂ™s use.вЂќ You may be thinking, вЂњThis is all very comforting, Emily, but I still feel like IвЂ™m coming unhinged. Foster relationships with the people in your life in ways that are meaningful and attainable for you.Д¬lick here to read more about SMART Recovery Family & Friends. Worrying about a loved one can sap us of energy and make reaching out harder. They might even be hiding in the plain sight of your day-to-day routine. But with some digging, you can probably find them through SMART or another support group. There are also regular (non-professional) people who can listen and understand what youвЂ™re going through. If you routinely leave appointments feeling upset or misunderstood, youвЂ™re not doing anything wrong. There are also professionals who can provide the understanding and knowledge to help youВ move through life with (or without) your loved one. There are treatment professionals who understand your challenges and value your involvement in your loved oneвЂ™s care. It places another burden on you as you navigate an already difficult situation: the burden of trying to be okay with it all, lest you fail at someone elseвЂ™s idea of a life well lived. ItвЂ™s ultimately your job to protect yourself and move forward with life, but this platitude doesnвЂ™t honor the fear of watching someone struggle, or the pain of repeated personal betrayals. You might have been told that your own happiness is entirely your responsibility. This might feel like watching a cancer patient refuse chemo. You might have been told truthfully that insurance wonвЂ™t cover your loved oneвЂ™s treatment, or your loved one might not have insurance at all, or they may simply not be willing to approach treatment yet.

None of these things are true, but they are just a few of the messages family and friends of someone with an addiction might receive. You might have shown up to family day at your loved oneвЂ™s treatment to be informed that your вЂњco-dependenceвЂќ keeps them addicted. You might have heard that nothing you do will ever change their behavior and that any contact allows them to continue (even though we just established that nothing you do will ever change their behavior). You might have been told that youвЂ™re heartless for telling your loved one they canвЂ™t live with you, or that youвЂ™re an enabler for allowing them to stay. It is easy to feel like youвЂ™re losing your mind with all of the conflicting advice given to you by those around you. But it might feel like it if you have a loved one with a life-threatening addiction, within a broken healthcare system, within a society that doesnвЂ™t understand. One feeling that we often hear expressed in our Family & Friends program is, вЂњHelp! IвЂ™m losing my mind!вЂќД«efore we go much further, let me be very clear вЂ“ no, youвЂ™re not. If you are a friend or family member of someone with an addiction, you likely have a lot of big feelings about the situation.

Pulling the MeвЂ™s Into the ConversationДЄ guest blog provided by Emily Tomkins вЂ“ SMART Recovery Family & Friends Facilitator.

Facilitator Spotlight вЂ“ Bernie Quartaroli.

In our free group discussion meetings, participants learn from one another using a self-empowering approach based on the most current science of recovery. SMART Recovery is a global community of people and families working together to resolve addictive problems.